He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
