you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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