hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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