i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
