I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
