I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
