ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
