the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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