$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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