Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
