Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
