oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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