I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
