Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
