I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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