I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
