Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
