sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
