oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
