Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
