what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
