I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
