Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
