i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
