margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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