im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
