I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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