Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
