At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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