I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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