Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have tasted many bathrooms
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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