where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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