Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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