just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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