Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
