Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
