Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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