i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Who died my cat blue again?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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