T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
