When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
