I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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