he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
