I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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