Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
