I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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