you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize