guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
