i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
