im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you made out with another girl for some wings
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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