The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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