that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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