just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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