Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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