Buhtt sex?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
