I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
