last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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