I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
