i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
