that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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