You're completely useless in the revolution.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
