dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
