the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
