It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
