So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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