He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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