You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
