She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
