you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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