Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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