it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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